Tag Archives: aip

23 days

That’s how long I have been strict AIP now. 23 days! I’m super proud of myself. Also, Mickey Trescott’s book, the Autoimmune Paleo Cookbook is the best. I have been cooking out of it for weeks. I am not sick of anything from it. I follow her meal plan. Whatever I don’t like that is listed, I substitute. Her book is beautiful and everything is so delicious. Tonight I am making cranberry braised short ribs with cauliflower rice. YUMMY! I have never had short ribs before. The meat has already fallen off the bone and it’s not even dinner time yet!

I’ve been back in the gym consistently. I started following Jim Wendler’s 5/3/1 program. I am on the last week of my first cycle and I have to say that it is going really great. I quit going to crossfit because I didn’t like watching other people’s kids. I dreaded it every time. If I could just afford a membership, that would be different but I got it for free for doing child watch. I just couldn’t do it. Plus, I went into a downward spiral of depression and I needed to get my life back on track. That took a long time.

I’m good now though, I think anyways. I’ve learned a lot about myself here lately. I started going to counseling again. Trying to work through some issues I’ve had for a couple of years now as well as whatever pops up on the day to day. I also started going to Overeater’s Anonymous meetings last week. Don’t have too much to comment on that right now except that I am going to stick with it for a while. The only thing I do not like is having to say, “Hi, I’m Kara and I am a compulsive eater and food addict,” before I say ANYTHING. I don’t like identifying myself like that. That isn’t who I am, it’s just a problem I have. I know addiction is a disease but that doesn’t define me as a human being. They say that we are never truly cured and I can believe that but at the same time, if people identify themselves with that and only that, it’s a recipe for disaster. I do think the 12 steps will be helpful. I got some books to read and a workbook to work through the steps. I have another meeting tonight. The great thing is is that I am not doing it alone. I have 2 friends that are going as well. We are all at various stages of our journey. Luckily for me, I started getting my head right and talking to God more before going to the meetings. I feel like I’m ahead in the journey a little bit. I’m getting my life back together and I am not having to go back and forth between guilt and regret anymore. I think I have truly surrendered this battle to God and he is taking care of me. Like he always said he would. I feel different this time. That’s why I think I have truly surrendered. I know it’s been a little over 3 weeks but that is HUGE for me. The last time I went that long was 2012. Almost two whole years ago. This time, it’s just easier. I haven’t been worrying about it. I know when I am craving things that I shouldn’t eat that I can rely on God’s truth to fight the temptation and come out victorious. I know how cliche and cheesy that sounds. I hate it when people say things like that to me but it’s true. And it’s working. I recite my go to verse in my head over and over again and it help calms me. “Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial” 1 Corinthians 6:12. The foods I crave will just make me sick. I know that. I am not going to be stuck in this vicious cycle anymore.

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It’s been a while….

Months actually. Too long. I fell completely off the wagon. With everything, my eating, working out, caring. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I got so tired of eating healthy, cooking all the time, counting whatever, worrying about what I can or can’t eat. So I stopped. I would rarely go to the gym, like once a month. 

But I am back at it. I’ve been consistently back in the gym for a few weeks now. My eating is better but not 100%. I am getting there. I have discovered more about my body and how I am reacting to certain things. My newest symptom is rashes. They aren’t hurting or itching but they are there. They are very noticeable though. 

I am planning on updating this more frequently. More in depth! 

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Sabotage.

I seem to always have this cycle of sabotaging myself and then trying to fix it.

I confessed Friday that I had frozen yogurt. It got worse. I tried to clean up the rest of Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. And yesterday too. Didn’t happen. The poorest of poor eating choices I could imagine. Saturday night I made cupcakes to take to a women’s prayer meeting. They were very good and paleo. Not aip compliant but still not the worst thing in the world. They were topped with homemade whipped cream cheese icing. That I should not have made. I should have made the vegan icing. Way too much dairy, way too sweet, way too addicting. So I get to the meeting. There is junk food galore. I knew better. I did. But I indulged anyways and kept having to run to the bathroom. Too much dairy, way too sweet, way too addicting.

I left the meeting early. I had planned on bringing up my food addiction and allowing myself to be raw with women who care about me. I don’t think people really understand the struggles of food addiction. FOOD IS EVERYWHERE. And it’s not like drugs or something where I can go to rehab and never consume the sinful habit again. I have to eat every. single. day. So I don’t think people really understand it. It’s different than other addictions but I feel like they may be a little bit worse. It’s so readily available and socially acceptable. Unless you have it or some other kind of addiction, you won’t understand.

I got home and my husband and I were sitting on the couch. I was reading or something, he was doing the same. We heard a gun shot. Didn’t think much of it since the neighborhood is surrounded by woods. Maybe a critter or something was threatening someone. Fast forward maybe 20-30 minutes later and there are cop cars, ambulances, fire trucks, everything. So many cop cars. We found out that a man had committed suicide on his back deck. We didn’t know him but that WRECKED us. We heard it happen. It’s eerily haunting to know what happened when we heard that gun shot. Neither one of us slept well that night.

I woke up Sunday morning thinking that I was going to eat great today. And I did a bit. While cooking dinner I was sneaking handfuls of trail mix and yogurt covered gluten free pretzels. Then my husband went to bed. I started in with whatever I could get my hands on and just started eating and eating and eating and eating. Woke up Monday morning and started eating and eating and eating. Even after he went to bed, I just kept going. The triggers going off in my brain were so hard to fight off that I just gave in. I let myself get so consumed by demons that I honestly didn’t care what I felt like, looked like, or anything. I just wanted to eat anything I could get my hands on. I had gluten this and chocolate that. Whatever i wanted. Honestly, I think I consumed over 5,000 calories yesterday. People think, ‘oh my goodness, I ate 5 cookies, I totally binged.’ No. That is not anywhere close to a binge. In the hour after he went to bed and before I went to bed, I ate almost 1200 calories alone. 6 chocolate protein bars at 190 calories a piece. I don’t even know how many I ate through the day.

So here I am today. Tuesday morning. Brand new day. I don’t have the desire to binge. No cravings. Nothing. Which is surprising. I feel like death. I am bloated. I won’t go into detail about all my symptoms and ailments but it’s bad. I am going to start tracking calories and macros again. I’m just not at a point that I can not track. It just sets me up to eat more and more. At least it will give me some accountability. I am getting a macro plan for fat loss and it will tell me how much protein/carbs/fat to eat each day to reach my goals. IN A HEALTHY WAY. No low calorie starvation diets. No starvation. Then after that, I plan to reverse diet while maintaining whatever weight I am at at the end of the fat loss program. The higher my calorie intake for maintaining my weight, the easier it will be to cut when needed. Or I will do the body recomposition program. It’s slower progress but lasting. I will cross that bridge when it comes.

Today I plan on eating chicken stir fry for breakfast. I precooked some chicken tenders yesterday. I will cook some asparagus and zucchini, toss with the chicken until heated through and top with an avocado. Lunch will be turkey meatballs and broccoli. I have yet to make the meatballs yet but I will here soon. They are stuffed with herbs and veggies. Very yummy. Dinner is crockpot pork loin with carrots, zucchini, and cauliflower. On the side will be roasted acorn squash with coconut.

Food addiction sucks. Giving in to my demons sucks. Instead of focusing on the past that I can’t change, I will focus on the future and what I can prevent.

If any of my readers are interested in giving me extra accountability, my username on My Fitness Pal is Karagetsfit!

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One week down…

SO,  I completed one whole week. I am actually on day 9!

I feel really great. I have energy, my cravings have subsided, and my body feels awesome. I can’t believe it! No bloating, no gas, no upset stomach, nothing. NONE! It’s a miracle. It’s not really a miracle though. It’s common sense, nourish your body with what it needs and it will thank you for it.

Despite all the sacrifices I have made in the now, I can’t help but look towards the future. When I get to reintroduce certain things into my diet, I often wonder how I will react or handle if I can’t have a certain food forever. What if it’s chocolate? Eggs? Nuts? I try to go back to the verse, “Though it may be permissible, it is not beneficial.” 1 Corinthians 10:23.  Not for me. Yes there is nothing wrong with those things for other people but for me, if it compromises my health, it’s not good for me. Am I deprived? No. I eat so many wonderful foods. All colors and varieties. For once, I am eating for my nourishment. It’s a different feeling, not giving into my cravings. A great feeling to know I am not giving into my cravings. They only fill the now, not the later anyways.

Satan uses anything and everything to cause you to stumble. He doesn’t want us to be happy. So seeing me being happy and ignoring him I am sure is driving him nuts. Especially when I am quick to follow suit with him. Not my strongest qualities but I think it’s not secret that currently, self control is not one of my fruits. Give me some time, it will be.

I finished reading Made to Crave today. I am going to go back through each chapter and really sit and contemplate everything I have read. It has questions in the end of each chapter and I like to journal my answers. I really want to lead a book study with a group of women on the book. I am working on the details of that, even if it is outside the church.

Sunday was September 1st and I have been on a cut (cutting weight) since the beginning of August. I have a modest goal to reach and I am giving myself till the end of the year to reach it. The healthy way, no quick fixes. For the month of August, I lost 8 pounds and 13.25 inches. Not bad! I am pleased with those results especially since I have been filling my body with such good foods! I have roughly 9 more pounds to go till goal and then in January, I will be switching to a powerlifting routine and concentrating on building muscle!

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